The SHADES of Patience.

 Few days a ago when I was taking a walk with my family, my son who loves picking flowers, went for the rose. The beauty of the flowers and his enthusiasm clouded  his insight  or awareness of the thorns. "Mummy it hurts" I heard him called out. "Well, you have to RESPECT the THORNS when you want to go for the ROSE, else it will prick you." I told him.

Because I am dealing with a curious child, may Allaah bless him, and continue to preserve him upon goodness, we had a few sections talking about roses, their THORNS, and the BEAUTY. 

There is no ROSE without a thorn.

 This is one of my favorite quotes in relative to roses, and it resonates so well as I recently had a previous session with the group of sisters in our female Halaqa, where we talked about PATIENCE.  

Patience! Over the years that I have trained and still learning as an etiquette coach, I have seen PATIENCE as an important tool that most people neglect, abuse, or misunderstand.

My perspective or understanding of patience is influenced by many factors, one of which is when I had to stay with my maternal grandmother and her then best friend  turned sister-in- law, may Allaah have Mercy on their souls and widen their graves(Aamiyn). They were both wonderful people but with different personalities. I am smiling as I write this, it really was FUN and reflective spending time with "Iya Pupa" and "Iya Dudu" (that was what they were called, because of their complexions, and complementary perspectives and personalities.)  

Learning from those two old women was a gift that I am grateful for, AlhamdulilLaah. But hey, experience is not enough. As the mind is said to be a creature of habits which thrives upon the dominating THOUGHTS one feeds it. Not all knowledge that one accumulate through experience is accurate. As Allaah willed, I also had to spend two years with my grandmother in-law  after marriage, another beautiful experience with it's rose and thorns, may Allaah continue to preserve her upon goodness(the only grandma I have left). 

So, as I am growing with time by Allaah's Rahmah, intentionally, and intelligently exploring people, through acquired knowledge of interpersonal relationship, mostly from Islamic point of view, added with my past EXPERIENCES, I am able to define PATIENCE by the circumstances surrounding it, and this is what most people need to understand in regards to it. Nothing beats experience accompanied with required knowledge, alhamdulliLaah for the blessing of Islam which adds meaning to every experience. We as individuals have to have intentional relationships with the teachings of our Deen, as Allaah Subhannahu wa TaAlla has Ordered, the sayings of the Prophet, the companions and those who succeed them. Alaysalatu wasalam.

There are several MISCONCEPTIONS as to what patience really is, especially among women. An example is when a woman is in an abusive or toxic relationship and she keeps indulging it, quite ironic that is her own understanding of patience.  Indulging t animosity, which Allaah, subhanahu wa TaAlla warns us against. We are expected to forbid wrong, not indulge it, Allaah hates it, and it is obligatory on Muslims to stand against it. And by doing so, you do not only help yourself, but the oppressor. Some even term patience as accepting that which is DETRIMENTAL to their NAFS(souls), which is most likely draining them spiritually; that may result in them disobeying the commands of Allaah. So, what is the essence of the patience or tolerance, if you will end up being frustrated to the extent of harming your mental health, or slandering your fellow Muslim if you cannot call them to order. This is FALSE patience, then true definition of patience is forfeit. Patience does not mean we should not be able to see a difference between the time of ease and time of hardship, Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawzi(may Allah bless him) said in his book Uddat As-Sabirin wa Dhakhirat; " This is too difficult, and we are not instructed to be like this. Allaah has created us in such a way that we feel the difference between times of ease and times of hardship, and all that we can do is REFRAIN from panicking at times of stress. Patience does not mean feeling the same at both easy and difficult times. That is beyond us, and is not part of our nature" , and from experience and meeting people, this is one of the best scholarly definition of patience that I have come across. We are not to exceed the permissible limit, that is the real deal in patience.

What then is PATIENCE?

SOBR,(the Arabic meaning to patience) is the best way to describe patience. Patience, Sobr is an Arabic word derived  from the root"to detain", "refrain" or "stop". Literally, or linguistically, Patience is much more than what most people define it to be, or what they assume it to be.The TRUE patience that Allaah commands us, that the Prophet(peace and Mercy be upon him) encouraged us to have, is an attribute that involves CONTROLLING ONESELF properly, to remain away from what intelligence and ISLAMIC law determine one should stay away from, or adhere to.

From the hadith of RasuluLah, the term Sobr is used in several ways, or instances; the usage results in SUCCESS and VICTORY. 

It is a psychological attitude, not just a mere word that we find ourselves use carelessly, without meaning it or acting on it, or truly encouraging those whom we may be preaching it to as required by their situation. Patience is generic and it has distinct name and description

.

Again, I say "there is no ROSE without THORNS" I have not diverted from this, this phrase resonates  in two ways to me, the first is the concept of PATIENCE - sacrifices, actions, and their rewards or consequences.

rose with thorn.

Patience in term of our Worship to Allaah is the ROOT, it is what we are commanded to have and hopefully get rewarded for it. That is to carefully and consciously walk on THORNS in regards to Taqwah,  how we align every of our dealing while consciously fearing our Lord.  However we established that patience should never deviate from this. 

As narrated in an hadith of RasululLah where; 

Mustaurid al-Qurashi reported:

I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: The Last Hour would come (when) the Romans would form a majority amongst people. 'Amr said to him (Mustaurid Qurashi): See what you are saying? He said: I say what I heard from Allah's Messenger (ﷺ). Thereupon he said: If you say that, it is a fact for they have four qualities. They have the patience to undergo a trial and immediately restore themselves to sanity after trouble and attack again after flight. They (have the quality) of being good to the destitute and the orphans, to the weak and, fifthly, the good quality in them is that they put resistance against the oppression of kings.[Sahih Muslim]

The SHADES of PATIENCE.

the spectrum of patience, with beautiful REWARD, In Shaa Allaah.

Patience can mean HONOR, a very good example is the story of Prophet Yusuf, when he was said to be seduced by his mistress, but he patiently retrained from the demoralizing request to protect or control his honor, and staying away from such was him being patient within the situation and having his integrity preserved. Which is expected of every morally grounded human. You can be patient with your sexual urges by having self- control, of which the opposite is greed or lust, as said by scholars. There is an instance where the act of patient can mean discretion - staying away from that which may lead you to slandering or lying, by controlling your mouth from such, then you have patience in the usage of your words.

I remember most of the sisters at the Halaqa gave FORBEARANCE as their own understanding of patience, Forbearance is a very popular qualifier of patience, mostly used when there is a need to control anger, instead of taking an hasty decision, or overreacting. 

The spectrum of patience is so much that most of the time people get carried away and overlook one of the act of patience that I personally admire in one of the Sahaba of RasuluLah( May Allaah grant them Mercy), Omar Ibn Khattab; his COURAGE is an incredible act of patience. He was being patient by standing up firmly for the Deen, instead of running away or neglecting the right action. For instance, when he had to demote Khalid as the commander of the Muslim army, his reason was justified, but at that instance, not everyone agreed or understood his point, it took a while for Khalid to agree that their conflicts of opinions was for Allaah's sake as they both had a valid points, whereas the point of the leader supersedes others, as far as it is not contradictory to the rulings of Islam, and Allaah knows best. The Sahaba, from Seerah, knew what is good, they wanted VICTORY and the best act of patience was COURAGE purposely for success for Allaah's sake. 

Most of the times, we choose cowardice where we are supposed to be courageous, and we term it patience. We give in to oppression or abuse; forgetting that maybe the patience we needed was COURAGE. We forget that patience has to be in TERM with INTELLECT and ISLAMIC rulings - we pull more on our spiritual, mental and psychological health, we go for false patience which will earn us more harm, may Allaah help those who need to understand this part of patience. The patience that requires taking ACTION, not necessarily in relating with other people, but maybe on our own internal struggles, like limiting beliefs, self-doubts, procrastination, ego and the likes. Or even self-defence without violating.

Gracefulness and STEADINESS, which is agreeing to the DECREE of our Lord instead of hotheadedness, choosing sincere FORGIVENESS instead of revenge is another beautiful SPECTRUM of patience that has lost it's PURPOSE within our community, when we are supposed to STRIVE to refrain from taking revenge, or paying evil with evil; or you taking the pain to give out from that which you OWN, your GENEROSITY the neglected spectrum of patience- by genuinely choosing to go for patience when others go for stinginess or miserliness. 

At some point in our lives, patience may mean being INITIATIVE instead of being helpless, or blaming or accusing people. Those times when our best patience to go for is manliness. 

Narrated Anas:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "The real patience is at the first stroke of a calamity."

.......Sahih al-Bukhari 

These are TRUE definitions of patience as prescribed by Allaah. He who knows us, and what we can bear. Indeed, His Wisdom is Infinte. 

Allaah says: 

Al-'Asr 103:3

إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلصَّبْرِ 

Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.

Although, as imperfect being, we are not expected to exhibit all of these spectrum of PATIENCE. No! we are not wired that way, we are communal being, created to complement one another, who strive in the right company. This I have learned from the two old ladies. That is how connected we are, when one person needs a particular spectrum at one instance, others are supposed to give a hand, either by counseling, admonishing, or the person outsource the right help. That was the ways of The Companions, our predecessors, those whom we are expected to strive to be like. 

Patience, the ROOT to a serene life, the true obedient to Allaah; if only we can adopt the spectrum when it is needed. And this brings me to this: "where there is a rose there is a THORN".  

The abuse of PATIENCE, the neglect of human weaknesses, the forgetfulness that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. It is unfortunately that most people know little about themselves, to talk of understanding other people, as a result, find themselves in situations where they fail to use the RIGHT patience, they forget that our life journey involves around PATIENCE but in different SPECTRUM, as requiredby TIME. 

Al-Baqarah 2:153

يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱسْتَعِينُوا۟ بِٱلصَّبْرِ وَٱلصَّلَوٰةِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ مَعَ ٱلصَّٰبِرِينَ 

O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.

Dear friend, maybe you own patience in regards to your situation is to be BRAVE, to maintain calmness, to tolerate, to persevere, or supporting others  but first you need to understand yourself and sincerely adopt TRUE patience in accordance to Allaah's commandments.  And most importantly do not get tired of striving, STRIVE, and hope for MERCY.  

PS: Some people may have strong patience in doing what is good, but weak patience in restraining from harmful actions; so be flexible when dealing with others, as our patience differ. True Patience is the best ACTION that can give spiritual joy, and good joy bi'idnilLah. Intention, shariah, shyness or consciousness of Allaah , accepting Qadar , and believe in CERTAINTY!!! And never forget we NEED patience to fulfil our obligations to Allaah. To think for of our choices in both life and HEREAFTER. It is said that patience at the time of ease is harder than at the time of adversity, so we are warned againt the fitnah. May it be easier on us. 

He who is patient, Allaah will bestow patience upon him. I pray Allaah grant you and I the strength to have full PATIENCE for His sake, to seek Mercy in life and hereafter. Aamiyn. 

[Reference:  tafsir Ibn Kathir, Be Patient and Paradise will be Yours(Durussalam books), personal journal and research. And Allaah knows BEST].

Az-Zumar 39:10

قُلْ يَٰعِبَادِ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱتَّقُوا۟ رَبَّكُمْۚ لِلَّذِينَ أَحْسَنُوا۟ فِى هَٰذِهِ ٱلدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةٌۗ وَأَرْضُ ٱللَّهِ وَٰسِعَةٌۗ إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى ٱلصَّٰبِرُونَ أَجْرَهُم بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ 

Say, "O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account."

Have you ever wondered why this surah was named "The Group", indeed Allaah is the most Wise, Glory be to our Lord.

Where is HOME? COVID-19, a message that home calls.

Where is HOME? 

Have you ever asked yourself what defines a home, or  how home feels like, especially if you are an immigrant like me. As an African immigrant to America, I know how it feels to be an outsider, a lone traveler, there are times that I ponder on where to call home.

 How can you grade the ease you feel wherever you are, and call it home? HOME!! It is that profound that  the dictionary confuses the definition of home.

Again, I ask you my friend, where is home on this journey of ours?
How do you feel at HOME?
 What defines home from your own perspective: is it your feeling, experience or the CORE?

"EVEN people whose lives have been made by LEARNING, sometimes find it hard to keep a fast hold on their habitual views of life, on their faith in the invisible -- nay, on the sense that their past joys and sorrows are a real experience, when they are suddenly transported to a new land, where the beings around them know nothing of their history, and share none of their ideas- where their mother EARTH shows another lap, and human life has other forms than those on which their SOULS have been nourished." ( Excerpt from Silas Marner by George Eliot).

Home, or how we define home is worth reflecting on, the  COVID-19 pandemic outbreak makes me ponder more as to where to really call home, or if we even have a 'home' in this transient journey of ours.

Of course, I see you agree with me that maybe we don't really have a home in this life. Well,  it is right, or slightly right.

Let us assume that we do not have a home in here: what is the PURPOSE of this journey?

One thing that I will love that you understand is that;without death, life is worthless; death adds meaning to life, if you have lost loved ones, you will definitely agree with me that most of the times, we get to realize how much those loved ones worth after their death, SubhanaLlaah!  So, what then defines our purpose of existence, our value , or do you deny that there is a purpose for your existence? Maybe I should construct the question as to how do you add value to your life, or the lives of others?  It is certain that we all are going to die, YOU will leave, I will leave, what do you wan to leave behind? What do you want to be remembered for?

On this transient journey, we have basic needs which will help our purpose achievable- make life WHOLE and fulfilling. We ought to understand that we have numerous choices in life beyond survival, we need to discover that purpose, and create VALUES and standards to integrate transformation into our lives by reconnecting and taking advantage of our INNATE power - maybe we can know what HOME means to us as an individual.

As we embark on this journey, we should be ready to evolve and recover what home means, that innate part of ours- located in our hearts, and tap into its power, and this is our struggle, each one of us go through that struggle and it is real: how we fight it is what defines us.

Home is love - with love we will discover humility, we will view our reality relative to our level of awareness or consciousness, then we will realize how home has ever been with us WHEREVER we GO, then we can make choices to decide whether to let our EGO, greed, destructive desires or negativity rob us of HOMELY feelings, the SERENE feeling that we are SAFE, by being MINDFUL and conscious of  how Supreme God is, and then maybe we can control our actions and thoughts; remember you cannot control death or how it will meet you, but you can control what you would be remembered for!

COVID -19 is never a coincident, it is a REMINDER, corvid, the black eyed birds;
[“Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion?” – Friedrich Nietzsche]. I was talking to a learned friend of mine, who  is presently a member of WHO fellowship, which makes her get direct update about the pandemic, as well as how hard the CDC are working or researching on COVID-19, and she said, "nothing about this VIRUS makes sense", at least for now it doesn't make sense, it is confusing, not only because it is new, but it keeps the WORLD in a panic state; how ironic. An evident of how Mighty Allah is. AlhamduliLLaah.

It is unfortunate that we neglect the essential human needs; unconditional LOVE, guidance, safety,listening,being real,participating,acceptance,opportunity to grieve,respect,validation,tolerance of feelings(we even deny negative emotions, instead of responding to heal), SUPPORT,loyalty,trust,accomplishments,creativity,sexuality(yes, for the married)freedom, and above all NURTURING of our SOUL. We now live in a world of DENIAL, hatred,CHAOS,denial of reality and feelings(instead of taking appropriate actions),mistreatment,low self esteem,guilt and STRESS.

Maybe when this social isolation is over, the wise will realize how CONNECTED we are and supposed to be, as well as how important  KNOWLEDGE  is and how we strive in seeking the right and responding ones for our own sake. COVID-19 is a process and it will past, but it is a reminder to reflect on.

A reminder that this journey called LIFE is a process, you as an individual need to connect with the PURPOSE of that process, before you make sense out of it. The question is, are you playing your part? Do you know the purpose, and are you practicing it? Then you are HOME.

The earlier we start to be aware and AWAKE that innate BEAUTY, the earlier we will understand the CORE; then TRANSFORMATION and hopefully we can return home as a serene BEING- maybe, just maybe we can feel SAFE even in the face of global CHAOS.

Be fulfilled and realize where home is.

I pray that you and I are blessed with clarity and CONTENTMENT; I pray against emptiness and FRUSTRATION.

Soon we shall get there; HOME, if we are willing to go BACK with the right baggage, so we will not be on exile , nor have our hope vanished.

BE HOPEFUL ......nourish your SOUL with the right FOOD.
HOME is where you are YOU without neglecting your CORE.
HOME is LOVE.
HOME is that innate POWER.
HOME is where you BELONG.
HOME is your RETURN.
HOME is ever with YOU.
------------------------

"Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient."

........Al-Hadid 57:16

Fall and its MESSAGE.

The breeze came knocking last month,

With a blissful breezy sensation,

And a message:

“FALL is here”

It said.

***

Each day,

I breathe a sigh of RELIEF,

And remember fall

with its message.

Fall brings with it

Pain and

Glad tidings.

Fall brings with it

Loss: when the leaves fall.

Then,

Resurrection – the tree is REBORN.

***

Fall brings with it

Resilience: when the wind shakes the tree,

Yet,

It resists – and hold onto its root.

Fall brings with it

Patience: when the tree waits for a new bloom,

Beautifully,

It blossoms – and the fallen leaves beautify the earth.

Fall brings with it

Growth: when the tree emerges from the shook.

Stronger,

It thrives – and strives from within.

***

Each day,

I breathe a sigh of RELIEF,

And remember fall

And its message.

Fall comes and goes with its message: that -

“There is a bliss after every blast”

Fall is here,

And I am grateful for every new day,

I let the BREEZE sink in,

Swing BREEZILY through my fear,

Hoping on My Lord with a strong FAITH.

...........inhale the glad tidings

-          Ummuh Aiman

What Driving in America thought me.

WHAT DRIVING ON AMERICA ROAD THOUGHT ME. 




 ******


For a while now, I have been driving on the highway, and each time, I have always been having this musing; that every bit of the drive is a message. I had wanted to write about it, but I always end up not putting it together. 


Yesterday, I had a funny experience, and that prompted me to share this reflection I kept having whenever I am on the road. I was supposed to be at a workshop as early as 8:30am. AlhamdulliLah, my husband was home, so I left the kids with him and left for the place early. Unfortunately, when I got there, I met another lady, she told me she had been waiting, that the security wouldn't open up. Then we got to realize that the workshop had been canceled (it was really cold yesterday, guess that made them to cancel). The lady said, she would go back to the library and all, to ask how they made the decision without any prior notice. I had to head home, because I already told my husband that it's been canceled.


 Although, there is this other place that I had to go(it didn't occur to me to head onto the place, until I was already on the highway). First, it was my first time on that particular highway, so I had to use the GPS. As I remembered, I took my phone, and wrote the address , so that I could renavigate, my phone went blank(really did not know what happened). I couldn't get the direction to my house, and there was an exit adjacent to me, I was contemplating whether to go towards it or keep moving.

Suddenly,I heard a horn, it felt like I was awaken from a slumber(lol). Then a man passed by me and gave me that sign(the f*); I realized that I was running at a low speed-- no wonder the guy got pissed off. And that triggered to reflect on the musings I always get while driving on the highway.

 ********* 


Driving on America road has always been reflective to me, compared to back home in Nigeria, where I come from. I could remember when I was in New York, I had several road tests, before I finally passed and got my license issued to me.


 On America roads, there are rules and law enforcement. It is like we all are given bylaws , and that must be adhered to strictly( like my people do say: when there is rules, there is punishment).


 You cannot drive on America road without knowing the rules; else you may encounter deadlock (this is not where I am going, though). So, what has always been my reflection.



 1. We have rules that must be followed, not only because of ourselves, but every other driver on the ROAD, and this brings me to the first point: our INTERCONNECTION ~ each time I drive, and my gaze meets another driver, my thought has always been that we are all connected, whereas most of us do not know that or arrogantly ignore that fact. How are we connected? And how can this interconnection affect us? The first instance of our interconnection is that we are all driving on that particular road, at that precise time, and at the given speed limit(minimum, or maximum ).

Every driver going at that time has to keep watching its mirror to stay alerted as to what move the vehicles around it takes. We may all be going to different destinations, but on that highway; we have things in common, and how we handle this is a core factor.


 When I say INTERCONNECTION, I do not mean just the physical or logical meaning; from my programmer's POV -- I mean that, RENEWAL-ENERGY, that is driving us( I can remember when I was in college, my OS professor, God rest her soul, whenever she gets to the scheduling algorithm part, she takes it so personally.

 Now as I grow, I see what she meant). The more we understand science, the more we would appreciate nature and the essence of our existence. And this takes me to the next point.



 2. That obstacles is inevitable, as we move along, at some points, there can be obstacles, and if care is not taken, how every party concerned reacts to this will gives a long way in determining the establishment of road rage. 

An instance is what happened to me yesterday; I know I made the mistake of taking that decision at the middle of the road, and that made me an obstacle to that man, and I do not have to blame him for whatever way he decided to respond, for I do not know what was going on in his life, and to how my slow pace influenced his journey.


 This is relatable to the journey of our lives, as we move along, we are most likely gonna get entangled at some point. And our response to this goes a long way to how we would carry on with the journey- In sha Allah!


             What are the OBSTACLES ? And HOW do you THINK is the best way to go about it?

What are YOU relying on to past this phase?are crucial questions we need to ask ourselves whenever the deadlock comes knocking.

 The fact is that, in a way, we all have this drama moments in our life, and this goes with the next measure.


 3. It is never a RACE, no, it was never meant to be a RACE with anyone.

 Whenever I get stuck up with people that run at a high speed than me;I always remember that we are not in a car race, not supposed to be, I do not let their pace get to me, I am cautious as to what speed I run.

     Is this speed what I can control, when it gets out of hand?

 At some points, we may need to keep up with the speed we go. But,as to why? And what is at stake?

 This to our life's journey is that our LIVES is never meant to be a competition with anybody but OURSELVES. How we control the energy within us, how we are able to control our destructive desires, and what are our GOALS?

Does our battle WITHIN align with our PURPOSE. And how does it reflect to everyone around us. On the highway, if I run at the pace, is it really what I can keep up with? Or can I do better than this without losing control?

 What are the control system, kept in place? Can I be conscious enough to control the accelerator? And to our lives, how are we connecting to our innate beauty?


 4. That our DESTINATIONS is not always the same; as connected as we are on the road, our EXITS is not always same. Likewise our life JOURNEY, no matter how strong our relationship is with other people, the journey is not always the same. We go different places, we meet different people, people come and go in our lives, yes, we are connected: making it a blessing or a curse is on us. What imprints are we living on another person's life? How do we show up?


Do we get to our destinations without causing obstacles to other people? As we drive on the highway, we all move in the same direction, at the given speed LIMIT, but do I keep driving when I get to my exit? NO!


 I have to drive towards my exit point and the amazing thing is that, when we drive towards this point, the speed limit is reduced, and there is a need to control the rate that I was coming with, so as not to lost track.


 No matter how fast we all drive, we can not go beyond our EXITS.

 Another amazing fact is that: if one is driving so fast and drove passed the exit point, he will have to go through driving time before he gets to an exit, which will hopefully lead him to his destination. Isn't that similar to our lives?

 How AMAZING!! Subhannallah!!!! 

 5. There is always law enforcement agents on the road. As annoying as I always find the GPS telling me that there is a speed trap on the road, I still have to be sure I am not driving too high, and this is inspiring to me, because, I do not want to get into any trouble with the police. So, I am careful, and maintain a controllable speed. 

How the speed trap works is that: police are stationed in some hidden places along the road, to check if any driver does not comply with the limit, and such drivers would be caught and most likely get their license revoked. 

All drivers are always cautious when the GPS says that a speed trap is ahead of them.

Sometimes, people get caught, and sometimes they don't. Even if they do not get caught -- if that speed is what the driver cannot control, something is gonna get caught with him.... Reality of life! 

Imagine if we all are conscious in the law given by our CREATOR, how amazing our stay, our journey would be, together. As some people try to bring out best, some bring out the beast in them, as we move along together.

 Truth is that:  we all have this drama season in our lives, how do we show up for it? 

How do we reconnect to our FITRAH , that innate beauty of ours, and see if we are really following the rules given unto us? 

 We all have rights over ourselves, how do I show up? And how do you show up? 

 Most of the problem in this life of ours is caused by misplaced priorities, neglected rights and responsibilities. We all are victim of opportunity cost, and what anyone decide to choose as his/her scale of preferences determines who and what will become of him/her - In sha Allah. 

 If I keep writing to what muse I get driving on America road, I would keep writing and it is never going to end, because it is similar to the journey of our lives, and as far as we are still alive, and still moving, it is not going to be over.




 **********



 I pray that Allah continues to guide and guard all our efforts in driving towards our purpose of existence, and make our stays and exit a blessing, and success in this life and hereafter. Aamiyn ____________


 PS: I later went to the other place that I was supposed to go, and I am grateful I did. ALHAMDULLILAH. I met two beautiful people, and I it was a time well spent together. .... alhamdulliLah




 PPS: So many times, Allah sends us messages through our INSTINCTS; sometimes we respect our instincts and take heed, and some other times we let our ego or emotions get us. 


Two moments in our lives are critical: our happiest and bitter moments. A test of Humility and Patience. I pray that we all go through these moments successfully.



 As Salam alaykum warahmatullah wabarakhatuhu.

Lesson from LITTLE ONES.

Last month, on a beautiful Friday morning, I decided that I want to make Friday my day off external distractions. I turned off my phone all through the day( alhamdulliLah....I have been able to maintain this, every bit of it is a bliss, making always looking forward to the next Frida.)

On that same Friday, I had an inspiring experience.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I wanted to get to the masjid early, so, I had the kids' clothes ironed before we bathed.

Did justice to my little girl's dress; had it placed somewhere I believed she cannot reach.  After I had my bath, I ran the bath for the older one, so I could dry my hair.

I heard "mummy"

Oops, it came through the door.....alas!! My madam had gotten herself dressed up( even though she wore it wrong).

In my head, I was like "Subhannallah!! This girl has messed up the clothes I ironed ..." , then suddenly I heard

"Mummy mummy, look at her, she can wear her clothes by herself, she is now GROWN Maa sha Allah!!"

That was her brother, he was do amazed about it, and he was RIGHT; that didn't even get into my head when I first saw her.

Subhannallah, what my boy said was a stroke of genius, and it erased my initial thought, I smiled, praised the madam, then we laughed it off.

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*REFLECTION*

When I saw the little girl, was my thought right?

Yes, it was very right (from my own point of view).

Of course, she messed  up the clothes.

But, come to think of it.......

How about my older one; was his POV right?

Na'am, perfectly RIGHT.  He was right, and at that instance, he was more right than I was (in my opinion).

WHY?

As a CONSCIOUS parent, the approach I adapt is looking through the children's eyes -- that way I have been able to help them manage their COGNITIVE and AFFECTIVE skills(because I believe that every experience  in early childhood is paramount) , alhamdulliLah(not easy, but the product of the journey is worth the patience bi idnillah).

So, why did I say he was right?

My little girl is only 16 months, she has milestones to reach, she is THRIVING every single day.

That day was another important day in her development (which I am grateful for; I was not ready to let a piece of cloth soil the joy of another cognitive development).

She must have been keeping track of how we do it for her, then, when she saw the clothes, in her innocent eyes, she wants to give it a try, and she did.

As an adult, I wasn't able to picture that immediately, because I was concerned about the effort I put into ironing, and the time I was going to spend in doing it again( which is understandable); but the irony of my POV then was that, that 16 months old definitely doesn't know what was going on in my head or the stress. She was just trying something new.

How she can learn (in case of another time) is a factor of my attitude towards her; how I was able to make her understand RIGHT from WRONG.

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So, where am I driving at?

PERSPECTIVES  and SHIFT IN PERSPECTIVE

So many times, we fall into PERSONALITY CLASH or CONFLICT  over TRIVIAL issues.

Why?

Perspectives.....

So many times, we judge other people, or we assume we are being judged.

Perspectives......

So many times, we REFUSE to LEARN, because we are not ready for a SHIFT of perspective.

 And this is where I am want to delve at:

Perspectives  or POINT OF VIEW.

How do we help ourselves, or save ourselves  in being entangled in personality clash.

**  By being AWARE of ourselves.
**  By being OPEN.
**  By knowing that it is never meant to be a COMPETITION anybody.
**  By KNOWING that we are responsible for ourselves, and what we bring upon ourselves.

Yes, how many times have we let our THOUGHTS about other people INFLUENCE our OPENNESS or how we perceive their POV.

How many time have we let our EGO override our sense of JUSTICE ( justice to respect other human, to appreciate their thoughts, to welcome them for WHO they are....)

How many times have we neglected our own IMPERFECTIONS?

Yes, your imperfections,
       My imperfections, or you  think what you are now is all by your doing(of course your made effort)?

Think AGAIN;

Na'am, SELF-CONFIDENCE is a virtue....how about SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS?

Girl, there are several other people that are better than you, and they are not what you are. It is a GRACE and a TEST (deal with it humbly, because you are accountable for it, and sure gonna face it ALONE).

So, my dear, our PERSPECTIVES or POV  can be influenced by several things, why not give other people EXCUSE and RESPECT their POV, you do not need to AGREE with them -- YES,

Rather, respect them for you know nothing about their thoughts.

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Our standpoint is factor of so many things(I repeat!!), you  don't know where they are coming from; show how great your WIT is and respect other people's perspectives.

LIVE AND GIVE ROOM FOR OTHERS....

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When I tell people my family home is challenging and a source of inspiration, that FRIDAY is one of the beautiful good days. alhamdulliLah

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And on the little ones, I will talk about it on my next episode on conscious parenting. In sha Allah

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PS: As Gary Chapman said  in his book; that "everyone has a love tank ....."

Fill it, and see what you get in returns.

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As Salam alaykum warahmatullah wabarakhatuhu,

Have  a great weekend 🌹

#innatelyBEAUTIFUL
#liveAndgiveRoom
#beYOU
#BEjust

Love from Ummuh Aiman ❣
https://yetunde-s-school-567d.thinkific.com/
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